


this is how you spell 'HAHAHA'

by cexies



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 06:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cexies/pseuds/cexies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>written for the hswc: bonus round: prompt;</p><div class="center">
  <p>"This is how you spell 'HAHAHA, I've destroyed the hopes and the dreams of a generation of faux-romantics'<br/>And I'm pleased, I'm pleased."</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	this is how you spell 'HAHAHA'

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]at 21:27 --  
TG: hey  
TG: so i know i said i wasnt going to come but then my agent started getting on my back about how ive avoided too many socializing events  
TG: apparently its making it hard for his intern to update my bebo  
TG: d strider spent another night trying to out drink his plant with whiskey due to his anger at netflix starting bridezillas at series seven  
TG: the plant won btw  
TG: how can one fern have so much tolerance for alcohol  
TG: it simultaneously threatens my pride and masculinity yet awes me into submission  
TG: is this what it feels like to be a hegemonic male  
TG: throwing my weight around the fauna and throwing up jacky ds while my wife screams down the phone about how hes gonna leave me if i dont get off my ass and swallow some huge media cock for a night  
TG: rose i know youre ignoring your phone i can see your jacket vibrating from all the way in the creep section  
TG: apparently im still not sophisticated enough for your literary jerk off circle so they sit me next to adam sandler and expect me not to make comments about his head all night  
TG: i can see it expanding as his face melts off of it and the guy expects me to keep quiet  
TG: dude im doing you a favor maybe you can get some surgery to save it before it turns into molten impersonation of that tbone steak youre chewing through like that chick from teeth  
TG: i dont even get how im stuck with these guys like im somehow comparable to their balding asses  
TG: gramps need me to grind up that meat for you before your dentures tenderize it into an adele song  
TG: like there are a thousand teenage girls out there jacking off over this young piece of art  
TG: even picasso weeps for the mastery of which god crafted this flesh and blood  
TG: well join the back of the queue big p  
TG: got a thousand girls staring into the deep spiritual connection we got as i accidentally scan over their faces when looking for the buffet table  
TT: Picasso pioneered Cubism.  
TT: Unless I am simply never sober enough to notice your disfigurations, I highly doubt his interest in the smoldering stare of your tinted glasses.  
TT: His death may also prove problematic for your blossoming relationship.  
TG: rosie rosie rosie  
TG: poor naive rosie  
TG: never let death put you down  
TG: follow those dreams  
TG: you wanna ride picassos thousand year old shlong? you get right on that  
TT: I think you're slightly confusing just who started this conversation by lusting over Picasso.  
TG: look the point is  
TG: i am drunk and bored  
TG: if you couldnt guess from the hour and a halfs worth of pestering  
TG: thanks for answering btw  
TG: you always make me feel so special when im lusting over your ignorant ass as im stuck alone at this table of other directors who need to jump off my dick  
TG: no i dont want to collaborate  
TG: especially when youre already balls deep in dane latex goblin head cook  
TG: might wanna pull out before you start chafing  
TG: you know rose it makes me so sad when you carry on eating during these blatant homoerotic rambles  
TG: i can see you with that caviar  
TG: probably served in the honor of every sea creature thats offed itself over your hideous portrayal of fish porn  
TG: which seems to be attractive to that guy on your left  
TG: cmon man its just embarrassing watching you  
TG: shes not interested if youve got a skeleton and one pair of arms  
TT: That's my publisher.  
TG: he wants to fuck you  
TT: As much as you do?  
TG: nah  
TG: and i mean even if he did  
TG: look at him fucking fumble over the motor skills required to pick up a knife and fork  
TG: he looks like hes gonna have a nervous breakdown and suddenly stab one of you from the strain of not knowing how to cut a steak  
TG: hed probably start crying halfway through the nasty  
TT: You truly are the height of romanticism.  
TT: Speak more pretty words to me Dave; sweep me off my feet at your eloquence until I have no choice but to test your coital alignment technique.  
TG: gonna bump your ugly all night baby  
TT: I can't wait until someone hacks into your account and leaks these conversations to the press.  
TT: The sudden hospitalization of teenagers will be such a strain on health services.  
TT: Parents and doctors will rush to their side, desperately trying to determine the cause of their sudden fever.  
TT: How do you feel, destroying the hopes and the dreams of a generation of faux-romantics?  
TG: im pleased  
TG: almost as pleased as im gonna be when we get the fuck out of here and clean out those cobwebs with the womb broom  
TT: Nice Try.  
TT: Eight out of ten for effort.  
TT: Let's hope my publisher doesn't score a nine or you could be out of rumpy pumpy for tonight.  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 23:14 --  
TG: wait  
TG: fuck


End file.
